Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Ugh ugh it's JUST a tool, a tool

I have been smacked with my new reality and it's name is hunger. I was told that I would eventually get my hunger back and it would be raging. I thought that I was lucky as it did not appear at the anticipated 6 month mark nor 7 months but I have now lost that battle. I am sadly just like everyone else who has WLS :::sigh::: human. The carb monster came first and I began to crave C.R.A.V.E carbs. I already had an appointment to see the nutritionist at the Dr.'s office so I went anticipating that she would have normal follow up questions for me and she surprised me by asking me why I came to see her. Huh? I uhmmm cause the Dr. told me to come I stated and started to feel a little foolish. However I continued I have been starting the carb cravings and think all hope is now lost (Okay something like that). I don't think she is really clued into the WLS surgery patient I think she is a regular nutritionist but not really in the loop. However she did suggest that I start eating a fruit like dried fruit or an apple mid morning and mid afternoon and those carbs/sugars in the fruit would slow down my carb fever. And they have been slowed down. So I am grateful. Still more hungry than I have been but it has taken the edge off.
I actually gained a few pounds before I got to this point I think 4 pounds which is a huge amount to me who still has more than 100 pounds to go. At 260 pounds I can see 300 pounds on the horizon if I am not careful. Looming in front of me is a Dr. appointment this Thursday so I have been aware of the deadline to get off the few pounds I lost because for sure they will weigh me and I will feel like the millions of WW meetings I have attended and a failure. I weighed myself about a week ago and was down 2 or 3 of the pounds I had gained but need to start on a regular basis the exercise so that I can integrate that into my daily life. Ugh. The surgery is just a tool darn it. Not a magic potion. I was holding out hope that it WAS a magic potion. Now I need to pay much more attention I think and stick with weigh-in's once a week and although I am not craving carbs as much as I was several weeks ago I need to pay attention to that monster and well... pay more attention. Ugh. Ugh drat! I was warned darn it!